he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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