I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
