you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
