Your face is a jimmy john
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
