i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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