I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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