I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
