I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
