She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
pop tarts are not kleenex
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
