Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
