Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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