Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
