she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
