My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
