so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
