So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
