I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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