That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
