Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
