Can Purell be used as lube?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
