So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
