i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
