oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
