I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
