I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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