I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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