I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
