I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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