he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so much tequila, so little girl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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