I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
