we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
