my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
