1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
