a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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