I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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