Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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