Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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