If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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