it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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