Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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