I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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