He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
