Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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