You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
