why didn't you poke me back
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
