Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
