You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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