my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
