party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
