Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
