theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
