Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He better not be in your backpack
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
