Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
