He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize