You smell like stripper and shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
