Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Michael Bay diarrhea
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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