she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize