I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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