I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
