Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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