I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
