its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
