I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
