My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
