I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
