eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
