I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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